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    31 juli

    I made my decision

    Finally, I think I have made my decision to change the situation. I cannot let the life go on without endless like this. I know the best way for me in Schlumberger is to pass GFE and then transferred out. But after reviewing the past half year, I don't know how far I still away from the GFE. Each colleague is advising me better to get GFE in China and I know they are right. That is why I have hesitated amost half year instead of quiting at beginning of thinking.
     
    I make my career changing point on the end of September because I start field life in Korla 4 eyars ago. At that time, to be transferred out or quit for new life. I don't care of the GFE now. If they let me go out, I hope can get enough money for an apartment in Beijing before get fired. I hope can still get GFE in the new location some time later before get fired. I hope can make further decision to quit if I cannot withstand the taugh condition there. If they refuse to let me go, that is the time for me to finnally quit and carry on new life. I may regret after quit or get more happy life, who knows. This is the wonderful of life, right.
     
    This is the email send to my manager one month ago and finnal decision from my side is made today!
     
    "
    Xun,

    I wrote mail instead of talking to you because I can express better during writing words.

    As you know, I have thought a lot for my career since beginning of this year. Most of time I am considering about quit, but still cannot make final decision. After past several months, I tell myself that I should make some plan instead of wasting myself time and Schlumberger time.

    I understand the best choice for me is to pass GFE ASAP and then got transferred out. But what difficult I am facing are:
    • After 3.5 years working in west China, I am too lazy on working under this environment. I don't have any enthusiasm on learning stuff and working on job. And the conflict point is that west China is my favour location in China. I won't want to be transferred to SheKou or TangGu (after having been there).
    • I have no experience on Explosive and seismic which will be difficult for passing GFE control.
    • Also due to my present attitude on the job, I don't have enough energy for handling any GFE project.

    I must apologize as I know it is mainly my own problem. And to be honest, I don't want to give up my career in Schlumberger, but I am really feeling lost now.

    Here, I want to let you know my plan and hope you can understand/
    • I will consider End of September as my career changing point.
    • At end of September I wish can be transferred as IM to Southern Asia location where I have chance to work on different services (especially explosive, seismic... ). I may facing more difficulty if working oversea, but I hope can be waken up with those pressure and carry on my GFE program in one year.
    • If cannot get transferred, I will say I need one month break at end of September. After that month I may finally quit or come back if I am still welcome.
    • If I will be terminated after this request or at end of Sep directly, I can gladly accept the result.
    • I will keep working hard on jobs and base management before that. At end of September, Qu ZuoLin should already breakout and familiar on all logging requirement in XOC. What you should consider is to choose another proper EIC to replace me previously.

    I am writing this mail seriously and hope you can take consideration seriously. I also hope it can be pass to LDS and TDS if you think it is ok.

    Sorry and Thanks,
    CZF
    "
    22 juli

    我爱韩剧之 II

    其实第一部完整看完的韩剧是《蓝色生死恋》,那时候已经上研究生了,在导师的机房里有自己固定使用的电脑,也就成了晚上没事干的娱乐工具。基本是在大部分人已经看完,开始谈论的时候,我才开始。因为一样是悲剧,看完之后感觉心里很酸,但是好像几年前的自己不屑于掉眼泪,虽然在结尾的时候难受了一把,还不至于落泪了。
    到现在还能留下印象的是宋惠乔和里面的两个帅哥,以前基本是喜欢看香港的连续剧(被老姐定义为香港肥皂剧),而韩剧很大的不同是在镜头的使用上,很多缓慢推进或者定格的镜头,给人的感觉导演在托长时间骗钱,不过也真正领略演员的表演,面部表情及其丰富,一段一段落泪的镜头都可以看到滴滴的眼泪真的从眼眶滑出来。
    其实今时今日能记下来的镜头已经不多了,印象最深的是在海滩上,恩熙从远处跑过来背后抱住她哥哥那个场景。不知道为什么,这个镜头可以打动我也一直留在脑海里。
     
    10 juli

    我爱韩剧 之I

    最近不知不觉间看了很多韩剧,那天和某同志提起,结果被冠以“看韩剧的30岁男人”头衔而遭鄙视,于是兴起了写下内心对所看韩剧的感动的念头,一来是留念一下此时此日的心境,二来也给道不同的人以抨击的话头吧。
    第一篇想说的是《对不起,我爱你》,不是因为我看的第一部,而是因为多少年来引的我想哭的竟然是一部韩剧。朋友给我推荐这部片子的时候,拗不过我的一再追问,告诉了是悲剧,于是曾经打消了看此片的念头,可不巧的是DVD店里刚好有这套,而且是韩语原声的,所以还是忍不住买了。
    连续剧的具体内容没有太多特别的,最打动我的时里面的小鱼,一个几岁小孩的表演时常让我陷入他的心里,不断唤醒当年对《阿郎故事》的回味,《阿郎故事》里面最喜欢的决不是周润发,让我差点落泪的也不是发仔临死前的那首歌,是听着那个小演员撕心裂肺的哭声一下被打动了。很喜欢《对不起,我爱你》里的小鱼,因为演的一样真实。
    整部片子里让我落泪的也不是最后破碎的爱情悲剧,而是母子之间恩怨结局的揭晓。被抛弃的儿子用死报复深爱着的母亲,一直以为儿子出生就已经夭折的母亲用全部生命守护着亲生儿子的替代品--一个养子。当所有的真相摆在将死的儿子面前时,会是怎样的心痛啊--生命耗尽前的最后时光不是应该与深爱自己的妈妈度过吗,为什么本该开心度过的日子变成了另双方痛苦的报复。
    看这部片子的结尾时,我终于忍不住哭了,心里想着不应该屈服于这种虚构的韩剧吧,可眼泪是忍不住的。即使是现在回忆中再次进入车武炫结局那心痛的时刻,还是忍不住和他一起心痛。
    记得以前听过:最伟大的戏剧都是悲剧。虽然仍然认为喜剧才是自己最喜爱的,但是能让人落泪的悲剧才是真的让人无法忘记的吧。
    09 juli

    生于7月8日

    本来想昨天写下这些作为7月8日的纪念,可是懒毛病犯起来真的是无可救药的。经过了昨天,终于完完整整的步入了30岁的行列了,虽然还可以自欺欺人的说周岁还是29呢。
    首先感谢崔强同学,曹洋同学,李银生同学,毛YY同学,王建颖同学,毕博同学那么主动、友好的来安慰我这个孤单的生日,也很感激常青MM又一次在我生日的第二天送上问候,是你们让我感到还有这么多人比我更记得我的生日。
    其实我对自己生日的冷漠是由来已久的,上高中之前根本不知道自己哪天是阳历生日,上了大学之后还强迫自己记住的阴历的5月22一定要给老妈打电话,让家里人祝我生日快乐,好像年轻人都是会过阳历的生日的,但是对于传统的北方人,尤其是老人来说好像只认阴历的。所以昨天按惯例每周一个电话向家里报平安的时候,一向细心的老妈竟然都没有意识到今天是7月8号,我当然不会主动提醒了,免的又是一顿嘱咐,我又不知道应该汇报生日怎么过,自找麻烦。
    本来以为昨天一天就要这么过去了,晚上众位兄弟姐妹的电话还是让我挺高兴的,虽然听着他们那么多人又聚在一起酸溜溜的。不过感觉好像库尔勒好像没有以前那么热闹了,怎么可能每个人都说今天累了,吃完饭就回去睡觉了,这么难得的机会肯定是要出去Happy啦,唉。
    仔细看一下自己的生日77年7月8日,其实挺吉利的呀,又7又8,不知道让人算一命会有什么结果,呵呵。
     
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